I'm just gonna come right out and say it, I'm overweight.
I'm not embarrassed to tell you that over the past 3 years, I've sorta lost control of my body.
The pictures below are just to show you where I was for my whole life and where I am now.
(The summer of '08, when I started hangin out with Rob)
(Halloween of '08 when Rob and I started dating)
And 2.5 years later.....
(2 days after having Adelheid)
(2.5 weeks after having Adelheid)
(4 weeks after she was born)
I always had the idea that the most important reason for staying thin was to look good. Isn't that what mostly we are shown? That you need to look good and that's achieved by being skinny.
I tried so hard to lose weight before I got pregnant. I had gained 35 pounds in the first year of marriage. I wanted to feel thin and attractive again. No matter what I did, the weight went up instead of down. My focus was definitely on how I looked, not what my poor body was going through.
Then I got pregnant. And 9 months later I had gained another.................. 65 pounds! Just in case you don't know, that's incredibly unhealthy and women aren't supposed to gain that much when they are pregnant.
So, in a bout 2.5 years, I had given myself an extra 100 pounds of weight to lug around with me. It's been a nightmare.
The first two weeks after having Adelheid, I lost 25 pounds, that was easy! All I had to do was not be pregnant anymore haha.
The ensuing 16 weeks has been much slower.......... much.
The one thing I've learned the most is that I don't care how I look anymore, I want to feel healthy.
I know I'm gonna kill my body off early if I don't lose weight and get in better shape. I know my joints aren't gonna last as long if I don't get to a healthy weight. I know that I wont have as enjoyable a life with my children and husband if I don't get my body in a condition that won't hurt or slow me down so much.
I want to be free....
I want to feel free. That's all I want. And although the weight is coming off so slowly that you'd probably not recognize that I've lost anything in the last 16 weeks, I am more motivated and disciplined than I've ever been. I'm convinced it's because my motives are right. It's about health and happiness and life, not about how I look or what other people think of me.
I haven't given up, although I would have by now with my past attitudes about weight.
This is a hard thing for me, and millions of women, I'm sure. But I am doing it, and I am losing, every week something is falling off and I'm thrilled. It'll take me till next spring probably to be at at a healthy weight range. And I'm ok with that.
Slow means that it's healthy weight loss, and that I wont gain it back when I've lost it. I'm not doing any crazy diet. I'm being very careful with my eating habits and I'm running a lot and doing lots of cross training.
Sometimes I pray so hard that I can lose weight faster. And I think Heavenly Father is giving me this opportunity to change my life. To discover the joy of dedication, discipline, hard work and success. And I'm really grateful for it. I need these lessons!
Another big thing that this is helping me work on is my thoughts about myself. Thinking negatively about my situation doesn't help. In fact, I'm convinced I'm in this situation because I was so concerned about being fat. Well, you live out what you think about!!!
I am achieving my goals of health and learning so much in the process. This will help me raise healthy children, and keep us all active and fit, which will free our worries so we can focus on serving and thinking outside of ourselves.
Thanks for letting me share this. I am now accountable to more than myself; I'm accountable to all of you and that will help keep me determined. So thank you!
And so you know...
As of this week, I've lost just about 42 pounds since Adelheid was born. I have around 58 to go.
3 comments:
Oh Heidi I love you!! I am reading this nodding my head because I am in the exact same situation only I haven't been able to look at it as a learning experience as you seem to have! Thank you for sharing! Let's Go US!!!
Hey Heidi, actually I noticed you in the back at church this past Sunday and thought that you looked like you had lost weight, so good work! Keep it up and you will achieve your goal!
Heidi, I am totally in the same boat as you. Except I didnt have a baby! And I'm terrified to have one because I know I will plump up once I do. And my mom keeps whispering in my ear about it.
I have spent the last 2 weeks really seeing how I am. And what I want to be. I was too worried about dreaming about what I want to look like, I was blinding myself of how beautiful I really am. Even though I am not the same weight as I was in high school, I can still get that way loving how I am with each step I take. Because I beat myself up too much in the process, I have tried to stay as positive as I can. Especially with the big day coming soon! ;]
Heidi, You are beautiful. You have always been beautiful and you always will! Like you said, a lot A LOT of women are going through the same thing! I am! =] Just remember that you are beautiful and awesome!! Good luck to us both! yay!!
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